Humorous Best Man Speech -- Wedding Toasts Roasts Speeches

Humorous Best Man Speech The hotel management have asked me to ask you not to stand on the tables or chairs during the standing ovation at the end of my speech. Now, I asked around for an idea of how long my speech should last, and the general response was about as long as it takes the groom to make love. So with that in mind, thank you, you have been a wonderful audience. (Sit and then get back up) I think an introduction is worthwhile. For those of you who do not yet know me my name is Whatwouldvouliketodrink. I hope as many of you will come and say hello at the bar later, but I do insist you use my full name. At this point I would like to thank the groom for his kind words. I would also like to add my own appreciation. I think you'll all agree the bridesmaids both look lovely today in their dresses and I know the bride wants me to thank them for the help they have provided, not only today but in the weeks and months leading up to the wedding. I would like to propose a toast. Ladies and gentlemen, the bridesmaids. I'm sure a number of the guys here today have been a best man at a wedding before, but I wonder how many of you have ever received written guidelines from the bride to be. I would like to read you an e-mail that the bride sent me prior to the wedding. (Produce e-mail) Wouldyoulikeanotherdrink (Remember that is my name) I was very pleased when you were asked to be best man at our wedding. I have known you for some time now and I cannot think of anybody more charismatic, intelligent, better looking or downright sexy than you to fulfill this crucial role on our big day. As we get close to the wedding day, most tasks have been... ...tion?" Big & Bouncy magazine.) Obviously my toasts are going to focus on the most important people here today. The people we all feel a great love for and without whom today wouldn't be possible. At some stage in the evening I’m sure we will all be sharing with them our thoughts from this special day and giving them our love and best wishes so I would like to propose a toast to: the bar staff. Now the real version. I would like to thank the groom for asking me to be his best man. It has been a pleasure helping them prepare for today. For all the banter that has passed between us it should be fairy obvious that we are the best of mates. I am going to finish now by asking you to join me in wishing them many years of happiness. Ladies and gentlemen, the bride and groom. That's the end of my speech. I am sure you will be as glad as me that there is no more.